是面对的时候了

久违地在键盘上敲字。

起先是幸福地不需要埋怨了；
然后懒散的借口也层出不穷了；
最近则是无法面对自己的心情和思绪。
讽刺地需要阅读别人的故事才能重新体会哭和笑。
讽刺地否认了情绪对一个人的重要。

根本就是在逃避和否认着摆在面前的命运，否认着心中的疙瘩和憎恨。

尽管计时炸弹引爆了，
我却无视着眼前的惨剧。

谁不想念曾经的温暖？
谁不渴望自己还有家？

一个巴掌拍不响，
任何人的选择和行动都在推进命运的齿轮。
无视和逃避只不过是欺骗自己不曾为齿轮贡献过动力，
但可笑的是不去推动也是影响着命运齿轮的关键。

一直告诉自己需要诚实地面对自己，
很清楚知道自己踏出下一步的关键所在，
明白只有这举动才能敲醒自己，面对现实。
但一直一直的欲言又止让我失去了生活的节奏。



顿时有种松了口气的感觉。
能说出来真的太好了。

久违了，我的情绪；又见面了，我的思绪。
终于能从自己设的枷锁解放自己了。


I am free finally.


不去承认和面对不是保护自己的借口，
纯粹只是个懦弱的表现，
纯粹只是不相承认我始终是个被温室保护着的小花。


人生一直都是残酷和不完美的，
只是自己一直在自欺欺人而已。
不要重蹈覆辙，
不要被父母限制和掌控了，
不需要牺牲自己，
命运的因果不就体现在你面前了吗？

必须接受你心中的不完美才得以释怀。
你自己的人生，你自己铺的路。

说好的不变成讨厌的大人们呢？

很怕很怕成为我曾经鄙视的大人们。
很怕很怕成为我的妈妈。


步入二字头，
真的感觉人容易累了，
心中的热血也凉了。

不会追求刺激，不会追求冒险；
只想安安稳稳不被打扰的过完一生。

曾经热血的梦想呢？

你现在才21岁啊！！
你的青春就要在最美妙的岁月画下句点吗？

难怪大家都说高中才是人生中最值得回味的时候，
大学生活多姿多彩的的首要条件是拥有朋友。
人缘要好或者你的中学朋友都陪你上同一所大学，就这样而已。


尽量想把生活弄的充实些，
结果只把自己弄得更累。
以为可以在社团交到朋友，可大家都在事情办完后拍拍屁股走人。
可能拍拍屁股走人的是我吧？
可能吧。


人生只不过就是人参。

要学会站起来的日子

海浪是不能被压制的，
因为迟早有一天，
压制住的海浪会不受控制，
掀起一波又一波的海啸。

海啸伤己又伤他人，
后患更是接踵而来的无法阻止。

可失去了家园就得重新建起房屋，
失去了双脚就要学会用不同的方式站起来，
失去了双亲就要学会缅怀曾经的好。

得继续向前迈进但不能忘怀曾经的痛，
随时警惕自己不要在犯下曾经的过错。

虽然一波未平一波又起的伤痛很大，
但是未来还是有无限的可能，
大家也会敞开双手迎接你。

所以，
要学会用伤过的脚站起来往前走。
慢慢放开拐杖和他人的扶持，
独立地画出自己的人生。

提点自己

其实你自己根本没有资格说什么。
什么事情都是有代价的，
而这次的代价就是你失去了自己。

回过头望一望，
真的发现好多好多的不该。

没有自信心的我，
就是那么地毫无用处。

可为什么就只有在他面前才会变得没有自信，一直怀疑自己呢？

All the doubts that I have for myself,
for not meeting your standards,
for not making you proud.

Everything changed, I changed.

And now I need to find myself back.

1. Believe in yourself.

You are pretty sure what suits you, what is your style.

Yes, you are influenced by him,

Yes, you tend to change to suit his liking.

But from there, find something that suits you, that makes you comfortable.

Remember, you are free from the cage now.

No one is stopping you and judging you.

You are doing for your own sake, make yourself proud.

And the more you believe in yourself, the more confident you are, and the more it leads you to the independence you once proud of.

2.Shape your own hobbies, pursue your dreams,

Pick up what you left, pick up the things that you once gave up because of him

You know the things that made yourself proud is what he dislike.

Both of your thoughts are not in common, the things you see, the things you like.

Your ideology, your dream.

Well, you are always different from others.

But why do you retreat when you met him?

You are free from his doubts and his unsupportive statements.

Yes, what he said meant a lot to you but you don't really need to care about him anymore, right?

你知道问题出在哪里吗？

他想要改变你，因为他不喜欢那样的你。

可是为了他而改变了的自己就会不遭受他的青睐，因为你已经失去了个人特色。

是啊，太过迁就就变得不是你自己。

结果被抱怨的还是你。

当你不是你自己，怎能渴望别人爱你呢？

把失去的自己找回来吧。

他不适合你，因为他不会珍惜你。

为什么要做拖人后腿的角色呢？

亚丝娜为什么会衬得起桐人君呢？

你知道的。

不值得拥有。

人家说悲伤是写作的原动力，
然后才发现我自己已经好一阵子没有写文章了。
快乐姑且是个好事，
可是悠然发现，我不值得拥有快乐。

一个人会因为悲伤而珍惜，
            会因为悲伤而感恩，
            会因为悲伤而了解。


人生的是是非非就是要让你悲伤才能学会快乐。


这三年姑且是我最快乐的时光，
可我忘了这是用不知多久的悲伤换来的。

快乐会让你得意忘形，也就是说会让你忘记当初的你为何这么渴望快乐，
为何知道快乐是无比珍贵的。

对，快乐可是珍贵的。
有人说时间很宝贵，可是个人觉得快乐更可贵，因为快乐是短暂的。

很多人忘记了，也渴望过了，最后变得麻木了，不在乎了。
多少年了，大家还是追着快乐跑，可是多少个人真正拥有它呢？

快乐只会逗留在懂得珍惜的人身边，这难道解释了为什么许多人不是真正的快乐吗？

奢侈的快乐是多么地美好啊，
而我竟然把你给予我的快乐亲手毁了。

Again

Once again,
I failed everyone...

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I can't do anything right.

stop.being.scared

Maybe I cared too much, 

and it makes me don't know what is the right way to care.

Maybe I take everything too seriously,

and it hurts awfully.

Maybe I just don't want to hurt others,

but it ended up hurting everyone.

Maybe I am just scared,

scared it won't be back to normal,

it won't be that peaceful again.

I am still afraid to take the first step,

because I am scared of the risk it might torn us apart.

I know changes are good,

but understanding and experiencing are two different things.

I just don't have the guts,

coward.

Why did I treated this like the world is going to end?

Why did I afraid to stand up even though I know I am right?

Why am I afraid?

Why?

Why do I feel so tiny and weak....

Why am I scared of those bloody comments which doesn't mean the way.

I don't want to hurt anyone,

but I ended up hurting everyone.

别再人身攻击了

发言被打压，
被说是固执，无法接受人家的想法。

不发言被指责，
被说是没有看清楚整体，没有自己的判断能力。

不对，都不对。

因为到最后，
觉得是经验老套的自己对。

说lynas没有问题，
因为世界各地都有辐射的东西存在。
很多东西都存有辐射，
因为化学的却存在。

可是咱们不认同lynas不是因为此事由BN引进；
也不是lynas出产稀土，
更不是因为随波逐流，
你反我陪你反!

我曾research过lynas，
我明白反对lynas的理由。
我质问的是为何工厂需建在住宅区附近，
我质问的是为何工厂会建在人口比例比澳洲多的马来西亚，
我质问的是类似事件已发生在bukit merah！http://www.malaysiakini.com/news/163166 为什么我们还得让历史重演！

你说我们不该反对lynas的理由是因为此公司是由pahang的sultan引进，
本身觉得文不对题，毫无关联。

其实更让人痛心的是，
你都这么认为了，
为何使用电脑就一定会有很多辐射的问题呢？
可是lynas就可以被谅解呢？
咱们房屋对面不到500米有一间电房，
你也没有怨言。
使用电脑却是会导致健康受损的主因，
我不明白，
真的不明白。

也请你，
不要用我曾是辩论组的组员攻击我，
我有寻找资料。
我明白什么是对与错。
我清楚自己在做什么。

真的很荒谬。


我真的不要了。

眺望

多少天了啊。。。

带着这种情绪满街跑，
一直想找出口，
想要释放开来。

疯狂有代价，
不顾世人眼光做事果然不是自己的作风。
可青春只有那么一次，
现在不来个狂野的生活，
几时还能动？

真的觉得自己是对的，
可是不懂的思想造就不同的评价表。
不能比较可还是很伤。
只是想找个认同感。

知道自己没有那么伟大，
或者说没有那个勇气吧。
所以会累，
垮了，
睡了。

但一定坚强地走过这一切，
千万别让自己沦落到逞强的阶段。
每个事情都有代价，
暴风雨过后就是彩虹的安慰。

睡吧，
别怕了。

You did it again ;)

A big surprise indeed,
thank you for making the 23rd a special day.

Like what I said, miracles came true around you,
unexpected things happened with your presence.
You made my day,
and my life. :D

Wanted to say the things out in here,
but since you requested,
yesterday will be an early note.
(What I wanted to say are already been said >.<)

Thank you for coming into my life;
I love you too for all you did to me ;)

:)

:D

其实真的想写些什么的，
纪念这一切。

可人家就是在高兴的时候特别不想提笔。
难怪好歌好诗都是带着伤感色彩的:P

就祝福这一切，永远~

我不相信承诺，但这真的很温暖。:3

但就是会相信，
因为没有不相信的理由。

Tired

I never knew driving will used up that much energy,

all contributed to fear.

Nice job......=.=

Ever since that goddamn crocodile pit,

I am losing my confidence slowly.

That was the time I realized failure will lead you to the endless pit.

I scared failure ever since,

big failures,

failures that affect the surrounding,

that affect the people around me.

No way......

From young,

I always thought the best way of solving problem required sacrifices,

that means no matter it hurts yourself or not,

you still need to do it.

There is a price to pay.

每件事都有它的代价啊……

BUT,

I was wrong.

The best way is to save us all,

together,

not leaving anyone behind.

Thanks to "XXXHOLIC"

:3

but still,

how to get rid of this feeling?

“When one sacrifices oneself to help another, it could actually be painful to the person being helped, especially when that person is of importance to them.” -“XXXHOLIC”

You need to understand, you know.

别再伤害自己了。 :(

别想太多了。

18啊

一起身就哼着《不想长大》，
因为知道离与童年的离别不远了。

18，
一个青春的数字。

18，
一个残忍的符号。

18，
就只是18。

我的18岁会是怎样的呢？
竟然想起《逆风18》，
虽然我没看。

朋友说，
岁数只是一个数字，
你想以哪一个岁数活着都是你的决定。
一个60岁的老人可以以16岁的心态活下去。

是啊，
我很想。
成为一个大人很累。

可是我也真的非常非常非常非常非常非常非常非常非常非常非常想以18岁的方式度过我的18岁。

小时候多么希望自己已经18岁了。
18岁的时候多么希望自己不要成为18岁。
18
18
.
.
.
.

我明明就还记得去年写着《16 going to 17》的那篇，
时间过得好快。
哈。

18岁，
会是怎样的世界呢？

让我幼稚，就那么一次。

收拾行李收到自己pek chek……
第一次为自己任性结果只能在那里生闷气……
因为讲下去的话，
一定会大闹天宫的。

这也是没法子的事，
谁叫我就是个夜猫子……

一直想要有自己的世界。
或者说，能单独生活，
以我为中心，
让自己去任性，自私一回。
因为一直迁就身边的人好累……

人家说做人就是要放大胸怀，
将心比心，
忍一时风平浪静啊同学。

从小就跟着这些思想行动生活，
突然回想，
这真的是我吗？
难道我真的是那么小心眼？

仔细看回我的个性品德，
虽然说是我自己的思想和环境培养出来的。
可根据这句话，
我们可以得知“思想”和“环境”这两个字是多么的危险。
思想可以被人灌输，甚至洗脑，
环境可恐怖，
通常问题的起源都跟环境大有关系。

啊哈哈，
还以为从小明白后可以习惯成自然。
可想再看回，
我到底是谁？

我是不是充其量只为别人而活着呢？

总以为自己了解自己，
总以为知道自己要什么，
总以为比同龄人更了解自己的梦想。

再看回，
性格是不会造成他人烦恼的好好脾气，
想法是他人都希望拥有的清晰，
追求的是众人意想不到的深奥……

这真的是我要的吗？

还是那一句，
我到底是谁？

活了17年，
我还以为我认识这个叫罗玮颖的女生，
可到头来……
我竟然一无所知……
我不知道啊……

就真的想为自己活一次……
找出自己是谁……
我想重新认识，那个被埋没17年的自己。

没看到不代表不存在，
也不会因而消失。

我真的宁愿，
有地方让我不成熟一次。

这是愤世嫉俗吗？
竟然讨厌起社会，讨厌起人群，讨厌起群体……
可明明就渴望那聚在一起的温暖。

很不喜欢当责任降临群体的感觉，
因为大家都变现实了……
如果大家快快乐乐，
一起来38打闹，
不就很好嘛？
原来渴望的就只有那么简单啊。

Negative emotions always breaks down my daily routine,
so I hate negative emotions.
But I realized the more you ignore, the further you are with your normal life.

Everything have its explanation,
don't call a kid dumb or scolded him for a bad attitude.
They act like this just because they took the wrong path,
they don't understand.

Every one wants to be a role model,
if you had a choice,
will you choose to become a brat instead of an elite?

Emotions will affect your choices and thinking methods,
slacking is not because you are lazy,
you just don't know why you should do that.

Being sad don't give you motivation,
that's why sad people are not productive.
And that is why humans are taught to be positive,
other than health,
it is good for the development of the society.
What a reality！

Ops! Did I act cynical again?

Sometimes I just want to indulge.
I don't care what is the risk,
how big is the risk,
how regret I will be.
I just want to enjoy myself at this very moment.
Oh gee...is this a sign of self-harm again...

What a relief if I get the chance to say that!

To blend in this society,
in order to live normally,
by separating your feelings and logic can help for a certain time.
If your rational starts to feel tired,
feelings will overtake you.
Is that what happens to me right now?

If you don't finish packing your things, you won't enjoy the morning tomorrow with a lot of scolding and signing,
but in this situation how can you pack?

I prefer to live alone...

Just for once.
Can I?

AND WOILA!

Looks like a lot of cartoon characters understand how I feel right now.

My timeline

ps: some stupid rambutan haunts me down every single minute just for a post...well, since that i am quite in the mood, never mind then. It doesn't hurts, right?

My time management (or should i call it self management?) sucks...

Unpredictable like the sea,
or always full of surprise just like walking in the Amazon forest(watch out for the crocodile pit)

Well,
you see.
I keep on counting everything that is related to my life,
the fourth day,
the third month,
two weeks ahead,
those deadlines. >.<

Seriously,
i am now doomed.
Thanks to my weak mental.

Even writing this post now (at this very moment) will let me sank into a deep pool of guilty but still,
without that stupid mood,
I definitely won't do anything efficient other than slack.
I guess writing a blog post is more productive than that ^.

The one who understands me will know I always have long hours of nap (not sleep),
and dreams would just pull me into deep sleep so that is why i can't wake up. ( I know I am blaming them, but who cares?)

Dreaming is not the problem,
the things that i dreamt of are the main problems...( duh...)

What annoyed me is the...(ok, I am thinking about what I dreamt, patience.)
.
.
.
.
.
.
oh yeah, the apple orchard which looks more like the Eden Garden,
and the scary portrait of a princess who wants to be a queen with her husband standing by her side,( The thing that freaks me out are those anime eyes, so not HUMAN!)
a real life skiing game with gaming effects,
the last but not the least,
I received tooth brush and tooth paste for my birthday presents by someone that I didn't expect to pop in my dreams!

This is scary but I still love to list down my dreams,
worth for a references.

I always believe that dreams will give out message that predict the future or even solutions to problem,
but this time,
I chose to not believe in it,
this is strange.

(looking at the time),

Maybe i will get that irritated face from my dad again.

Although I felt annoyed but still lifeless is what controlling me now,

maybe laziness too.

Argh,

I should not stay up late,

my body tells me too,

by making it sick.( Blowing my nose)

ps: I don't know what is happening to my keyboard recently,

 new shortcut keys pop out every time I mistyped something however I wouldn't learn how to use it as it disappears again and again.

Urging for clicking the BM file as I have BM assessment tmr, (hello komsas)

but BM is seriously not my language, 

well,

I am now in Malaysia,

am I not?

*curse

I got cuts from having a war with my oil palette,

which actually restrict my actions( which are always big for a girl).

And now,

my head hates me by showing me it bleeds.

haiz...

I injured myself from head to toes :(

ps: I found out that my style of writing is similar to my post in the age of 14, the difference is just the language.

pps: I also realized Hyuna's ice-cream MV is a sign of social degeneration. How sad.

Morons everywhere. 

pppps: Are you happy? To: You know who.

If I die young

低迷。

时时刻刻都保持着同个姿势，

盯着荧幕，

盯着时钟，

盯着自己。

I am lost in my own world,

where everything is mirrored,

where everywhere is cursed,

where everyone is distanced to each other.

I seek the truth,

which I think maybe hurtful,

but I never realized how powerful it is.

I can't handle this Deja Vu.

I fell from the cliff,

to the deadly end.

It is so deep that means,

there is no turning back.

Scared,

so I closed my eyes.

I tried to feel,

I tried to survive.

I hope there is a light,

shining bright,

waiting for me,

reach to my side.

I plead and plead

so I can survived this deadly fall.

To wake up once again,

to be my own self again.

There shouldn't be true,

momentum should not exist,

the law of physics can't work in my fantasy.

I trapped in the mirror world,

created by myself,

who is real thus who is the fake?

Save me,

I shouted.

No one hears me for my voice had been stolen.

That isn't me darling,

that girl is you,

the reflection,

the personality you won't be able to face.

She broke the mirror,

stabbed your heart,

once again you are locked in the mirror.

Who is real?

Who is fake?

I am looking at the reflection of mine,

who is in the mirror?

shhh, low down your voices.

颤抖。

仿佛梦到了什么，
结果最终也只是一场梦。
红肿的双眼，
的确只存在于梦中。

“Dreams feel real while we're in them. It's only when we wake up that we realize something was actually strange.” ——Cobb 《inception》

The problem is you chose that to be real.

"She locked away a secret, deep inside herself, something she once knew to be true, but chose to forget." ——Cobb《inception》

Which is real?
Which is fake?
I don't know....
I just know i fell into a dream when i thought my dog is a dream to me,
because i always dreamt to have a dog.

What i dreamt would scared me in reality...
and what i wish tend to become my memories.

i am asleep now...
dreaming.

Who can wakes me up?
Not until September ends,
but now.

Dream within a dream in the reality.

启动心灵模式

一滴，两滴，
如雨滴般滴滴答答。


挥洒之余，
我还有什么选择？

我说，
没有。

你说，
啥？

他说，
就忘了吧。

原来自己恋上了发呆的感觉啊。

心平静和的看着前方，
一切也太宁静了吧？
宁静得可怕，
就像世界消失了一样。

心里的野兽正在呐喊，
要求着释放，
呼喊着也许能打开笼门的密码。
“卡塔”，
加多一层锁，
也许牢固了一点吧。

别人老是认为自己的想法犹如正义女神那般正面，
少许的负面就等于眼里的一粒小沙。
可没人知道，
连神仙并不是完美的。
没人知道雅典娜时常躲在角落哭泣；
没人知道阿耳特弥斯心里的脆弱；
没人知道阿芙罗狄蒂镜子碎片里的不完美；
没人知道宙斯的左右不定；
没人知道赫拉的寂寞。

没有，都没有。
要完美，除非你会玩美。

负面气息，
我就是喜欢，
不给吗？

三滴，四滴，
雨不停的下。


收藏之余，
我还有什么选择？

我说，
没有。

你说，
啥？

他说，
就忘了吧。







她说，
也许没有那么简单。

随手

得从电脑中抽离……

虽然午觉睡了一天可是必须认真做功课了@@
谁叫自己在论坛突然兴致一来开始创作……

/.\
坏习惯

Now,now,now,
够了咯。

难搞。。。

引用我爸爸的一句话，
“你妈真的很难搞。”
的确，我双手举起赞成。

再这样下去，我一定能出书了。。。

我妈妈是个超级注重健康的人，
从小我就会背food pyramid并懂得健康的基本知识，
多谢我妈。

虽然他为人很注重健康，
可是人非圣贤，
偶尔还是破例吃些垃圾食物。

“要吃seed weed吗？”
“ok啊。”
“可是很不健康哦。”
“那就别吃吧。”
“但是很好吃啊。”
“那就吃咯。”
“可是这seed weed好像加了plastic。”（已经在嚼着了）
“那就不要吃吧！o.o”
“但是比较好吃……”
“那你就继续吃，不要讲多多。”
“可是真的很不健康哦。”
“你到底想怎样？0.o”
“吃掉他，这样你弟弟就不能吃。”
“你这是什么意思？=.=”
“牺牲小我，完成大我啊！”
“明明就是嘴馋但借口多多。”
“哪有？！”

不想理她了。。。

她减肥时又是这幅德行。。。

在日本，
“哇，酱多sushi，一定肥。”
“那就不要吃。”
“哪里可以？难得来日本。”
“那就吃。”
“可是会肥哦，肚腩会大。”
“那你到底想怎样？”
“不懂诶，很想吃可是会肥啊，aunty挑战我穿bikini。”（已经在吃着了。）
“那你就慢慢减肥咯o.0”
“哎呀！忍不到啦。。。会肥啦。。。会肥的啊。。。”
“你再讲下去一定肥/.\”

麻烦的女人。


有时候真的很显。
大家开开心心她就在那里扫大家的心，
然后自己说东做西……

这女人。。。啧啧啧。。。